The Pellichupulu Date

When you grow together in love, sometimes you pause to watch the person next to you and feel thankful for life. You may wonder where it all started.

For me, that moment is our first date, “the pellichupulu date” – the starting point of the trajectory of our love. Ayyira and I met at a traditional pellichupulu, spoke there, and connected on Instagram. We hadn't informed our parents of our decision yet, as we thought we should take some time. We texted for a week, and one weekend, I decided to go meet her in Hyderabad. I still recall that day when I stood in the Tatkal line to book a ticket; my hands were trembling not just from the Tatkal pressure, but also from thoughts of how the day would go when I met her in Hyderabad.

I texted her the Saturday evening when I was boarding the train, and she had plans for Sunday to visit her parents. However, she cancelled her plans and decided to meet me. She asked about my plan for the day, and honestly, I had none. My whole intention was to meet her in person and talk for a while. Also, I had no intention to push her decisions on the marriage proposal, so I replied that I had no plans.

“Okay Ram, let me see,” she texted me, and after half an hour, she came up with a plan. Her planning sounded like a proper itinerary for a Tinder date.

We met the next day in the early morning, and the moment I met her, I handed over a card that read, “The past 12 hours have been the longest; I waited for this moment.” That was the first card I gave her. Writing letters and cards to her is my love language, of course, with flowers. I also gave her a Panda-themed mouse pad and a water bottle, thinking she liked Pandas a lot based on her social media. I later discovered through her mom that she drinks very little water and doesn't use a mouse.

Sanghi Temple

As per the planned itinerary, we took an auto to the Sanghi Temple. Damn, she got some serious bargaining skills, I thought to myself while she was talking to the auto anna. It was a long ride, and we had room to talk.

“I liked this card, Ram,” she said, showing the card I gave her.

“I believe the building blocks of love are these little things. Get yourself a folder because a lot is coming,” I flirted.

“Haha, sure.”

We reached the temple, and after completing the darshan, we sat there for a while and started to have a conversation. She paused for a while and asked me, “Cheppu endhuku vachav.” For some reason, the tone of it gave me a vibe that she liked me. Of course, I had no answer to the question she asked, and I got lost in my thoughts.

A boy seated next to us extended his hand to place Sindhur on his girl’s forehead. That was quite a moment. I pointed towards the couple and asked, “Us when.” She laughed and replied, “Hopefully.” Little did I know at that time that I was going to hear the same reply till our engagement.

While we were walking out of the temple, she mentioned that she has a habit of buying some sort of toy or little thing when I visit temples. We found a small shop over there, and while she was looking for what to buy, I found rose flowers, the kind of roses that are usually found in temples. However, buying them in bulk would be unromantic. I bought one dozen, gave her one rose, and kept the rest at the vendor.

She laughed at my gesture and placed that rose in her hair bun. That was the first rose I gifted her.

I thought to ask her if she was okay with taking a selfie of us but I felt that would make her uncomfortable so I just asked “Hey how about we click a picture in your phone throughout the day and you can send me only if you are okay to”, she simply nodded by smiling and just like that we clicked our first picture in her phone and on our second family meeting she presented me that photo by framing it, which I had placed in bookshelf in my room, kind of my early morning view these days.

Auto Ride

Our next destination was Cafe Bahar for lunch, and we had a long time to reach there. She looked famished, and I had the superpower of easily spotting if someone was starving. I had this habit of keeping Snickers chocolates in my bag when I travel, so I pulled out chocolates and offered her one.

She looked stunned and asked, “How do you know?”

“Oh, don't question my superpowers,” I replied, showing her the label on the cover which read, “You love in Bite.”

She laughed and asked, “Hey, aren’t these the same chocolates I gave you when we met at the Pellichopulu?”

“Yeah, they say life comes full circle. For now, let's say these chocolates came to the rescue of this girl’s hunger,” I winked.

After having the chocolate she was about to toss the wafer. I interrupted and said, “Hey, please don't throw the plastic like that,” and I took the wafer from her and placed it in my bag’s side pocket. To this day, she pulls my leg recalling that incident.

Ayyira is pretty good at drawing hypothetical scenarios, and she asked me, “Let's suppose I said yes to this match. What would you call me? Ayyira or by the pet name Chinnari?”

When she asked me that question, an instant name popped into my mind that’s when I realised that I had drawn her mental image in my mind already. I pulled out a card from my bag and wrote “This time he is set on writing a real love story and he named his main character Ammu”.

She took the card and said, “Ammu sounds cute, any reason?” was her immediate question.

“I don't think I have an explanation for that. Also, I haven't met anyone in my closest circle with that name, and I always found that name cute. I believe if we travel with a person for a while, their mental image starts to take shape, and for that image, the name ‘Ammu’ seems inseparable.

“I can continue calling only if you like it,” I said doubtfully.

“I loved it.”

“So should I start calling now onwards?”

“Hopefully,” She said, blushing. That was the first time I saw her blushing since we met.

Cafe Bahar

When you think about Hyderabad, the first thing that comes to mind is Hyderabadi Biryani, and she loves Biryani. If you put up a Biryani quiz, she will easily top it. I once mentioned in our chat how much I love Cafe Bahar, and she planned our lunch at the same place.

Upon reaching the cafe, we had to wait for a while, and it was a sunny afternoon. She started to sweat, and she pulled out the mouse pad that I gave her and started to use it like a hand fan.

“Don't tell me you are offended by the way I am using it?” she questioned, confused.

“No, I'm just remembering one of the K-drama reels I saw on Instagram,” I said flirtatiously.

“They are just fictional.”

“Maybe some are inspired by real-life moments, like this one we are having right now,” I said, walking a step closer to her. For a brief moment, we were watching each other in silence. The receptionist called our name, interrupting our interlude, and we proceeded to the allotted table. While she left for the hand wash, I wrote a card that read, “She loves biryani, and I love Barbell, and it's a match,” and gave it to the waiter, requesting him to place that card on top of our order.

A few minutes later, our order arrived, and she picked up the card, smiled at me, and took a snap of it. Back then, when I was writing cards to her, I did not know how she would react to all this, but one thing I am sure of is if someone is taking a snap of something you presented them, assume that at least your efforts are Instagrammable and assure yourself that you are in the ‘okay, this is going well phase.’

Jailer Tamil Movie

We took the bus from there to our next destination, Prasad Imax, where she booked tickets for the Jailer Tamil movie. I liked how specific she was in choosing this show. Earlier that week, when we were chatting, I mentioned how disappointed I was in returning home without watching the Tamil version because the show got cancelled. She took note of it and booked the show.

“I think this is the first time I am travelling by bus after one year,” she said and leaned onto the handlebar. She was super tired by then.

“Are you sure to watch the Tamil version? I don't want you to feel uncomfortable.”

“That’s okay. I will irritate you for the translation or I will slip into sleep.”

“I will be happy to translate, and I would love to make you comfortable even if it meant you sleeping in the theatre.”

She laughed and said, “Looks like we need to get down here and walk a little to reach the theatre.” At the luggage deposit counter, I pulled up the empty card that I had in my bag and wrote, “Next time you are tired, lean on my shoulder”. We still had time for the movie, so I asked her if she wanted to eat ice cream. The ice cream date isn't on our itinerary, but it would be an incomplete date without ice cream, and buying one for our girl is a boyish dream. I gave the card to her while we were having ice cream.

“Netflix is going to sue for stealing their titles,” she mocked me upon reading the card.

“I am willing to have a legal battle because I have the creative driving force before my eyes,” I flirted.

Metro Scene

The show finished, and it was already 8 in the night. I had my return train at 11, so we decided to reach the nearest metro station and go our separate ways. We took a little walk there.

My watch buzzed, notifying me that I’d walked for 10k steps. “Oh, looks like we have walked for 10k steps today.”

“I never walked this much in ages,” she said tiredly.

“Thanks for walking 10K steps. When are we going to walk those 7 steps?” I said and winked.

We reached the metro station, and it was a Sunday night, but there was enough crowd. We walked a little to the end of the platform and sat there.

We talked about our previous pellichupulu and shared our wild experiences. Ironically, we began to mock the whole process of sitting through and talking to a stranger, even though we met in the same way.

She video-called her parents to update them that she had reached the metro station and was about to leave for the hostel. She cut the call and turned towards me and said, “You know, I always wanted someone to be there for me like my dad does.”

“But I would be lying if I promised you that I would take care of you like your father; none could match the father’s love,” I said firmly.

“Yeah, that makes sense.”

“Look, I know love and trust are far-end concepts and are hard to gain from a person, but I can only hope that you are comfortable throughout this day and for the rest of your life,” I said, placing my bag on the floor.

“I wanted to say that I am not here today to know your decision in the first place. But either way, your decision is going to be. I have a feeling that we are going to remain good friends,” I added.

“See, you are a nice person. I liked you. Anyone would like you, but it's just that my belief towards marriage and men is kind of making me nervous,” she said with moist eyes.

The train arrived, and the doors opened. Picking up her bag, she asked, “Do you think I should leave for this train or wait for the next one?”

“Maybe wait for a while, if it is okay for you,” I insisted.

She said, “I wish you had a girlfriend experience in your life.” I didn't understand at that time what she meant by that; I just smiled.

There was an announcement that said, for some technical reason, the next train would be the last one. People started to show up on the platform, and the security guard was whistling and instructing people to stay in line to board the train.

We both looked at each other; silence fell between us, and we knew that the day would come to an end when that metro arrived on the platform. I didn't know if I would ever see her again if we didn't move forward with this match. The whole crowd's noises and all the other whirling engine sounds on the platform felt silent to me.

“Do you have anything to say?” she asked with a withering tone.

I wanted to tell her that I loved her, bending on my knees on that platform in front of the whole crowd. But I also knew that it would only make her anxious. So, I took a pause and said, “I fell for you.”

“I don't know what to say.”

Sometimes all we can give to the other person is time. No matter how hard you try, you can't force someone to love you. Putting in individualistic efforts and figuring out a way to move forward is what defines a relationship. The basis of it should begin in the same way, is what I believe. So, I simply said, “I know. Take your time.”

As I mentioned, this is a proper itinerary, like a Tinder date. I mean, someone remembering your preferences and planning your day is a quiet experience for me—a girlfriend experience. I mentioned the same to her. Of course, she smiled and said she would have done the same to anyone if someone travelled all the way to Hyderabad just to meet her. But her eyes said otherwise.

Maybe in modern dating, a few days of chatting and dating someone could give you the answer that he/she is the one you are searching for. But for marriage, you have to take your time and space. Process the events happening around you and see if you are comfortable with the person around you. Meeting someone in a pellichupulu setting is different. But when you meet the same person outside of all the formal settings, you will have breathing space to decide.

I hurried to the find empty card in my bag, thanks to my habit of keeping empty flashcards that I usually use for writing mathematical formulas, I never thought I would use them to write romantic words but here I was, I started to scratch on it like a last minute of an exam, old habits you know, I wrote “you gave me main character vibes for life” and gave it to her.

She boarded the train, and we looked at each other as the door started to close. Inside my head, there was a rush of thoughts to just jump inside the train and propose to her. But also, at the same time, I said to myself, let us take time.

Two days later, one night, I sent her a short reel in which I shot a small video walking on a treadmill, humming to a popular song in which the lyrics go, “Marry me, marry me.” She saw the video, and after a while, she replied with a photo of a rose, the same flower I gave her at the temple, captioned with “Let's get married.”

A special mention to 69 Days of Love book by Prasanthi Pothina mam, that book stood as inspiration to my love language of gifting cards as Sri does to Manya in the book. 69 days of love is such a delightful read, with layers of storytelling and wonderful character arcs. As Lessie, Soni, and Neelima found their answers and direction of love in Manya's story, I guess I found mine in '69 days of love'.